I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize