The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
