you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
