OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Your dad touched me again.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
