Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
