Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
