thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
