Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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