your room smells of hookers.
And success
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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