i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
