that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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