Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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