I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
