So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
