I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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