He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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