so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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