my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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