He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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