I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
