Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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