you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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