actually, I'm a sock model
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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