you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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