Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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