I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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