how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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