Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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