Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
