i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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