you told grandpa to call you daddy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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