4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize