yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
