i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
