i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will be naked everywhere
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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