Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
