Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
