i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
