he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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