Plan B is the new Plan A
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
