biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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