i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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