How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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