youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
These tits shall not be calmed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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