Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
