I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
