I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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