I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
