I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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