Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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