i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
