I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Still dying that you shit outside
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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