Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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