I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
