Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
