and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
