yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
