apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
