And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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