if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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