You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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