Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
