I want to make a zoo with you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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