Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
