I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
