Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.

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(386): View more from Florida

Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.

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(516): View more from New York

She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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(253): View more from Washington

So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

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(503): View more from Oregon

Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.

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(607): View more from New York

Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.

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(314): View more from Missouri

also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.

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(951): View more from California

Did April legit get married in a parking lot?

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