I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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