Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
