after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
